Poco Loco and the Pet Monkey's Song of Salmonella

We were out shopping for groceries, when unexpectedly Poco turned the conversation to diarrhoea, fibre, babies pooping in shopping trolleys, brocolli bring rubbed in said poop, more fibre, urinary habits, and salmonella.


Poco: Salmonella salmonella salmonella salmonella!

Me: Oh. Wow. You've... you've made a song out of it. Just... wow.

Poco: Salmonella!

Me: Uh huh.

Poco: Salmonella salmonella salmonella salmonella!

Me: Er. Okay. So you've made a song out of it, and you're GOING TO KEEP SINGING IT.

Poco: Salmonella salmonella salmonella

Me: Oh gawd wtf.

Poco: Isn't it awesome? It's like that Cinderalla song!

Me: Right. Just like that. Yes.

Poco: Right?! Like, with all the animals coming out to sing together and stuff! Just like that! Salmonella!

Me: Yes. The, uh... the resemblance is simply uncanny.

Poco: SALMONELLA SALMONELLA SALMONELLA SALMONELLA SALMONELLA

Me: You should call in sick tomorrow. Tell them it's diarrhoea. Then sing them the Salmonella Song. They'd totally buy it.

Poco: SALMONELLA SALMONELLA SALMONELLA SALMONELLA SALMONELLA

Me: *stabs eardrums with rusty fork*

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Later, at the cinema.

Me: Should we watch this movie tonight? The queue is pretty long. Guess we could come back and watch it tomorrow.

Poco: But I'm working tomorrow!

Me: Yes, but WE aren't. So WE can watch it.

Poco: Yeah, but you guys love me and you'll watch it with me! Right?

Everyone: ........

Me: Didja notice that awkward silence right there?

Poco: Ok fine... I know, I know. I'm like a pet monkey and you only keep me around so you have something to laugh at.

Me: That is RIDICULOUS. Of course not! For one thing, monkeys can do tricks. Can YOU do tricks?

Poco: Um...

Me: I didn't think so. So no, a pet monkey would be an upgrade. If we had a pet monkey, you would be obsolete.

Poco: :'(

Me: Alright, alright! Don't get upset. I was just kidding. Monkeys throw poop. You don't throw poop, so you're slightly better than a pet monkey.

Poco: Are you SURE I don't throw poop?

Me: Uh oh. TIME TO GET A PET MONKEY.